THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT

(The long & short of my Hubby's affair )

Sadly there is no such thing as the private affair nowadays especially when we are living in transparent era of twitter and facebooking , sometimes with such undecent exposures . You know what i mean .....when someones tag you a photo of you , and especially when you are in a ' different' situation!
Hmmm not exactly a proud moment, at times .hahaha

My husband started his facebook affair in private . It was supposed to between him , and his niece in germany . He wanted to how she 's getting on there thru her pictures , what evolved thereafter was a network of friends. Anyone who knows him, will vouch that he is a a sociable, friendly person but down deep , he really is a private person. I know now. Or it could be age. Anyway , in just a few months of having his facebook account , he closed it !

One thing, he is not curious enough to know what's going on in someone else's life, who you are dating seeing or eating , the quizzes and the games does not hold much fascination for him, nor he finds FB an effective avenue for his emotional release , ( as someone puts it ) .

He once said , Focus does not necessarily means concentraton on a matter , but also eliminating all other possible distractions ! So FaceBook can be a distraction for some people.

Admittedly , affair with facebook can almost be like an addiction to alcohol or something , the degree of addiction This week, I am in Japan and idle! ( of course after office hour that is ) and I have started to go in Fb more often and i can feel the 'connection' with Fb. I know what people eat on Monday , Tuesday and wed , Thur and fri , ( not bad idea , can try out some new eating places , ) What quizzes they took ,( can find out more about myself too if i take the same quizzes!) how happy they are from their daily horroscope thingy, ( i get to look out on my horroscope too for FREE) It may not be something evil or destructive but hey wait a minute .
My take , do it in moderation.....it can be healthy doses !

In nature every action has consequences , a phenomenom called the butterfly effect.
What effect does FB have on you ?

A WAR ON???

Its heart wrenching to have to see the bloodied scenes on the JW Marriot and Ritz . Some people , of course having heard of the word Jihad so often , asked me , is this what you call Jihad??? Where is the Jihad if one runs amok in a retaurant and killing senselessly the father , who's daily preoccupation is struggling to put food on the table, mother who may be at work, but trust me, in her mind, she's driven only by urgency to manage the children's daily activities, the son who obviously are there only for some hours to ensure that he contribute to his school fees, being young and able body!
Who fought in Jihad here ? The father , the mother and the son who fought poverty with such tenacity ! These are the people ( the victims) who always takes resistance as a spur to action instead of avoidance. They discover the virtue of courage , having the courage to face life and redesign their lives ! Having the courage to confront life . Simply put, the opposites are cowards! Those who ever tried to claim Jihad will rationalise their irrational behaviour of course but I am sure that they do not blood on their conscience!

CLEARLY COUGAR

I cringe everytime i hear about this 'cougar' tingy. We are living in the 21st century, a modern world ,yet women are still judged in the most steriotypical ways. Traditionally women have always been represented as weak, vulnerable , too trusting. Historically in a happy heterosexual relationship , the expectation is that , the men... should be older, for only then, they are able to provide and protect . Older men are typecast as being more powerful. I think that this concept is more fluid now. If you are a woman , you probably more independant and more assertive than your mother . There are more successful women now and they are able to take care of the financial side of the relationship. And quite frankly that do not mind to contribute a bigger share.

The essence of a successful relationship is compatability , character , compassion and compromise. Ironically , sometimes its not found in age. While older men may provide all the material wealth , the younger could provide a listening ear. There is a difefrence between litening passively and listening agressively. To listen with your heart , your listening has to be active! Older men tend to be a little bit more egoistic. Check your ego at the door as they say. An egoistist can be described not only as some who thinks too much about himself but also someone who thinks too little for other. Alternative thinking work , i guess? Understand what brings fulfillment in a relationships. Ultimately the things that brings fulfillment involves another and maybe that exactly what's happening in a cougar relationship. To those that's in this relationships dont let the narrow minds of the misinformed infringe on your happiness.

EVEN PIGS CAN FLY

Having my coffee at Gloria’s yesterday afternoon, ( took some hours off to shop for a gift,) . I kinda of like the coffee there, cheap + many youngster give this a pass for they prefer SB or CB&TL), I started reading my papers. Amongst others , what attracts me, is the proverb “ When Pigs Can Fly”. The saying has been traced back to 'Proverbs of Scotland' (1862). Of course much coverage given on Swine Flu. I am following it very closely because I have booked my Bali holiday in June!! (how close) and hate the idea of cancelling my mid year break.
A flying pig is a symbol of an impossible event coming to pass. It’s a phrase used to descibe wishful thinking; can never happen kinda of thing. A lot of times , I hear that To me it has 2 levels of meanings. 1) A general one that affects the entire globe eg gay marriages. Who would have thought that it will one day be legalised? or an unprecendented black presidency and etc. and etc. 2) Another, is on a personal level. I started listing my own “Impossible list”. My point is over the several months I am going to ensure that some are taken off the list . This can only be achieved by dauntless resolution and unwavering faith.

How is your “Pigs can Fly” list?? Nothing is impossible , it takes time for sure.

PETTY CATFIGHTS OR GUERILLA WARFARE

Leadership in today's world requires far more than a large stock of gunboats and a hard fist at the conference table. - Hubert H. Humphrey

There's a lot of truth in this quotation judging from the recent AWARE SAGA. The new team has managed to wrestle leadership in quite an interesting way ,really!! I probably be right to say that its almost equivalent to assuming power through coup d'e'tat. I am wondering, how does that leadership relates to the others with such brutal facts?? No, they simply lost. People reject that kind of leadership! Its worth while to consider the idea that charisma can as much a liability as an asset.

Leadership is not only about vision, equally its about creating a climate where the truth is heard . There's a huge difference between the opportunity to 'have your say' and the opportunity to be 'heard'. Such openess creates trust and promotes loyalty and this is central for any leadership to survive. In the case of AWARE , their very action of sacking the centre manager, changing the locks and excluding the 'old guards' only serves to define their ego and selfish interest. When blames become entrenched in an organisation , grudges and political fiefdoms emerge. A huge barrier was erected that splits the organisation into opposing camps. However when one conducts autopsies without blame one goes a long way towards creating a climate where truth is heard and almost never needs to assign blame.

In any effective change process , objectives have to be future-focused rather than need or problem-focused ,as they are creating a powerful tool to guide the organization. Personally I do not feel that the team is able to cover the entire spectrum of women related issues when representation was limited to a specific group only. It will always be an organisation that's short sighted in its vision. Today, diversity and inclusion is really the core of any strong leadership and we engage in problem solving by cultivating cooperation.

Deal with the world as it is not as you wish!!

HEART OF THE MATTER

HEART OF THE MATTER – HAPPY 17th ANNIVERSARY

Praise to God , Alhamdulillah , we celebrate our 17th Anniversary this month. I am so extremely touched by the wonderful gift from you dear. Keep the presents coming .haha. I can do with 1 more LV and 1 more Celine and 1 more Choppard and 1 more vacation ….just kidding. Sincerely, above all , my wish is, for the LOVE and PASSION to continue to flourish, like the flowing river ………….…AMIN.

Dear, looking back, it has been a long journey. When we first got married ,I looked thru rosy tinted glass, saw 2 beautiful dancing swans, happy ever after .And and then some years into mariage my definition changed when the journey got bumpy, the ride got rough and the onset of sudden storm. I panicked. However, in recent years, my ideas on marriage took on, a more absolute ,concrete form. A potrait of Happiness, because of our partnership. And no ,I am no longer looking thru rosy tinted glass anymore. I am well aware that we are in this for the long haul. Of course when two lives intertwined so closely, so intimately , it presents its own set of conflicts. But I am always thankful for your vision , we build to last , with God’s willing. I have learned that when trouble strikes , it is meant to pull us together and not apart. Struggles are there, to help build us , to be more resilient. Conflicts are there , so we learn to devise creative solution whilst managing our emotions. Thank you.

Sometimes I will revisit the DREAM. At times doubts seep in. Is the DREAM relevant still ? Is the DREAM valid now? 1 thing for sure, it has to be a bigger DREAM everytime ,else the pursuit becomes mundane and the magic is forever lost.

Darling I am grateful to you for loving me when I am fun, well, happy crazy and still love me when I am sick, sickening, stubborn, snoring , silly and saggin etc etc
My guess is …… It is a PASSIONATE PURSUIT

DEAR , Happy 17th Anniversary…….…many more years InSYAALLAH.

LOVE ,

OF SOLUTION AND POSSIBILITIES........

One cannot solve a problem at the level the problem was created. Exactly, the reason, we need to have different kind of people at the different level in organisation. This is even true in a family unit. Those in higher postion / leadership position are expected to understand alternative solution thinking. not just basic thinking skill. Its a state of mind that's open to all kinds of looking, for something new. Its neither a magic nor a miracle, just a method , a practical tool that take advantage of how the mind works. New questions redirect attention , change assumptions and sets new possibilities in any moment. This last few weeks I have come across situations that displayed blatantly the lack of this and it dissappoint me because it came from people that are of ' higher level'.It hit me like a thunderbolt. A title does not make a person . Giving one a bigger title when one does not have the capacity to manage / execute responsibilities could cause more damage & harm.

Recently I went up the a Head of Dept in this organisation to discuss on a policy issues. I had previuosly discussed with a junior officer and of course she opened a file and read the policy and looked grimly, answered accordingly. That's fine .She only has that capacity. I requested for Head of department and guess what, .... she did the same?????!!!!. She is the HEAD!! What the heck !! I then suggested that if she could not think of a possibility or solution , I will write in to Forum , then maybe we have some suggestions. 2 days later, I received another call from the HEAD OF HEADS and received different answers. I couldnt believe who return my call............... of possibilities and solutions

FACE TO FACE- A DIFFERENT KIND

We always have this meeting in the office called Face to Face meeting. We fix a date to meet + think. Some came just to meet , others came to think. On a friendlier note , I keep in touch with friends old or new, on the social networking tool eg FaceBook. I know why its called FACEBOOK. cos its meant to replace Face to Face, sadly .These friends are not in my face but I am updated on their routines and lives like an open book.

I am not in the least surprised to have read somewhere that social networks have moved ahead of personal emails . I am a virgin when it comes to FACEBOOK , having been on it only under a month. But i like it instantly because, I can POKE my friends. Poke function , I think , are just to nudge a friend to say Hi , u are on my mind. I am no expert on FACEBOOK but that's my interpretation of POKE. I cant possibly do that on an email, can I? I did communication back then, way back , its a complex process with many error potentials. Some meaning can be lost in that simple transmission process. But when I looked at communication now, its getting shorter and shorter. How communication have evolved. of course. Will i still continue with face to face with friends , of course but a different kind.

AUNTY AGING CREAM

In his 1996 New Year Message then Prime Minister Goh Chok Tong highlighted the need for Singapore to become a gracious society by the 21st century. He emphasised that Singapore should not only continue to develop its economy, but should complement it with growth in personal development and in social behaviour. Interestingly, is to measure how much, we have changeD in the the last 13 years towards gracious living.The recent issue of “Who are you calling auntie” in ST stirred some interest in me ( eeerrr my age group I mean ). Though quite frankly, I have not been addressed as auntie yet by hawkers and newspaper vendors ( so some monthly budget on anti aging cream / supplement was worth it) but I am sure in a matter of a year or two, it will come, inevitable. Let me try to tackle this my very best and hopefully something gets done and I get the title only from my lovely nieces and nephews and friends’ children. In our attempt to move towards being a gracious society , I believe in making small changes in our daily routine. Calling some strangers aunties or uncles though, in local terms, is loaded with respect and affections? could be appaling to some people like me. The simple truth is, the word auntie conjures up an image of an older woman with permed hair , who talks loudly in public places, + weird sense of fashion . My apology. Worst is , a blanket approach used, by calling someone older , slight or much older than yourself, aunty. What lies beyond the bounds of logic however ,is, when someone older, address me as auntie. Where is the graciousness in that? Let us start with Sir and Mam ,mmmm that sound better and more respectful too.

FRIENDSHIP FACTOR

I had a wonderful conversation with a friend over lunch on topic of Customer Satisfaction. Conversation mmmmmm, wonderful , but i cannnot vouch on the wonderful customer service experience , I have received. Too often, its more harrowing than pleasant. I am of the opinion that if i pay a premium price for a product , it would come with premium service too.

Surprisingly , i dont feel like I have gotten a premium customer support service when I walked into a a high end boutique shop in comparison to what i received in a retail boutique in heartland say Giordano, for eg. In fact , I got the most welcoming greetings from Giordano . The staff are trained to greet and they greet enthusiastically , they smile from ear to ear , I feel just energised when i walk into their stores. Its unbelievable! I guess , their strategy is to activate the 'FRIENDSHIP FACTOR', because ultimately, ....we would buy from a friend ,wouldnt we?? Often we would. Giordano understands that very well. Recently i went to a premium boutique with every intention to treat myself to a gift. I should believe that , if one is consumed with an intention, one sends out the right signal . I walked into the store and there's like 3 potential customer including me and about 5 staff. No greetings , nevermind but what's not acceptable is that , i was not treated like a customer . I looked around and waited, looked again and waited , and looked again and waited. GOSH !Ridiculuos! I called for some one to attend to me and when she came , I was apalled at her lack of customer service.

Being in the service industry , one must at least enjoy the process of meeting people , and be willing to serve,.Sadly this is not always true. Very often those in the industry are not aware of the value of customer service. The only certain, means of success is to render more and better services.Somehow this is also quite true for political success.

Recently i read in the newspaper about the Jelutong CC job fair , some 4800 job seekeers were there.The next day I read the remarks in newspaper
"'We were a little surprised by the response. It's a weekday...it's not somewhere in town,
yet we are enjoying an overwhelming response. It is a worrisome sign as well."

I am not quite sure how to react. Should I be shocked at the massive turn up or should I be shocked at the remark made by one of the senior guy? Should I laugh or cry

80/20 RULE

When all things slow down , its time to reflect. Wouldnt it be great if I could do this in Bali. By the private pool, overlooking the dep blue sea with the the sound of the waves like music , beating the the white pristine beach ,ooh I am lullabied. soft music ......OOOhhhh how WONDERFUL.


That's exactly how I lose focus! its easy isnt it?
I listed the things i have done in 2008 up till now. Some activities there , what 80% or maybe , 100% activities but bottom line is , I am not heading in the direction of my destination. I am nauseatic at the disparity . Somewhere between Feb and Dec .I got sidetracked . Tell me about this !. And so ,I revisit the 80/20 theory. And so I begin this exercise .Wah 1 whole sunday!Not totally failed, didnt fare too bad not bad in area of spiritual, relationship, could have done better in economic and "commercial development " and so I reasses , reevaluate, restrategise for 2009.

THE RIGHT MAN OR THE THE BEST MAN

It was with much interest that I read the segment "ST interview" . The dean of Singapore's pretigious Insead business school was interviewed . Amongst the many things he said, " CEO surrounds themselves wth people that will listen as opposed to challenge. " sets off a chain of questions in my mind.He is of the opinion that for growth to take place , one must get out of their comfort zone .of course. One must operates from a different organization and I think that tends to create greater level of stress and conflict and maybe build resentment too .Its a challenge to change assumptions and so, I believe, some of them makes decision from the very beginning . It is seemingly quite common , that the they bring with them not just , knowledge , expertise , vision , but also, the people , whom they are comfortable working with. Is it to find platform to connect instantly and my guess, ? Eeeerrr corporate loyalty?????So where are the challenges

If I take this idea, in another context , maybe friendship. I draw some parallel there. Most of us are friends with people we are most comfortable with and these are people that do not challenge us in any way. Believe me, that's much appreciated. Many times we just want to chill out huh. However my thinking is that , its also good to keep the few that give me the poke too. I have some like this. They give me a raise ................ eerrr .....................in my blood pressure ....but it kicks me into thinking differently and thats much appreciated too. True It drives me nuts a, at times .Over time through my friendship , I learn a lot about perspective, processes and all. In the beginning it was a tough friendship , or rather an annoying one , but once I realise how much I can learn from this friendship, I learn to adjust, to keep it. I have also learned to be a humble student. I also learn that being judgemental is not the same as exercising good judgment. To keep friendship, the latter must dominate over the former.

WE ARE WHAT WE EAT..............

WE ARE WHAT WE EAT

That's a fair comment I should think. It brought fresh memory of Supersize Me movie and images of late Karen carpenter. I toyed with the idea of genetically modified (GM) food and wonders what impact it really has on us or perhaps our children.

We have GM maize commercially grown in EU and , Brazil, the world largest coffee producing country has their scientists and agronomists working on producing GM coffee... , soy and others.Understandnably, that under current situation ...with climate change , our food production is greatly threatened. Alternatives are required, one alternative is to turn to genetic engineering to bolster food production. I hope the solution is only to fill the gap in food production and not in anyway to intefere with the function of human brain. Many of us drink coffee because it appeals to the emotional side of the brains, there is no pleasure when there is no consumption.I hope its stops there and not move to any other dangerous level. The last thing we need , is hatred for each other.

ANTICIPATION VS ANXIETY

Sometime i have this unsettling feeling and I cannot pin it down to anxiety or anticipation. Anxiety, its like worrying for a debt you have not even incurred.Anticipation on the other hand gives me the feeling of hope and energy. Anyway I soon realize, I could somehow influence , guide my feeling to a certain extend. If I build a positive , blue print in my mind and believe it 101% , I end up anticipating , my whole senses reacts with such urge to move and to create. A sudden gush of energy!The wonderful part is , the mind starts to plan and jolted me into actions aligned with the thoughts. So I have heard ,..... it has a mind of its own.The next time , my heart feels unsettled , I begin with the end in mind

Interesting , Sometimes is not easy to apply though. I was with colleagues in Subang today, on way to dinner , I was consumed with hunger. OMG. Lost in anticipation of food and food and food. Arrived and ordered dinner , relishing every mouthful .....Great company , great dinner and great conversation and then somehow the conversation moves to topic of security or rather the lack of it in general. Increasing crime rate and all. I looked around and noticed that we were the only patrons there , not so many of us , only 3. My thoughts started to besiege me with all kinds of what ifs...( after all we are in the industrial part of Subang, ). A sudden wave of fear engulfed me and I lost myself in anxiety and guess what it did to me. It unsettled me totally. Period. back in comfort of my hotel room I thought to myself, I wasted that time of life worrying ......anticipation or anxiety. Totally anticipation!!

LOVE THEM ANY HOW................

Flipping thru the sunday papers , and my eyes fixeted on a page , babies photos . They are such darlings, arent they. Cute , adorable , innocence and purity..... i could continue ... .
New parents are excited for the newborns and proud parents of their progress and they want to share with the world. I am happy for them but trust you dont own your time anymore. Anyway i was puzzled why were the parents requested to , ( besides putting thier name and babies names ) are required to put in the parents occupation too . You have eg
Baby : Danny
Parents : Ana and Daim
Occupation : Teacher and Engineer.
What ever was that for?????
My feeling is that whether they are born into aristrocat family or a janitor's family , celebrate them for their arrival ! be enthusiastic and excited that there is an addition and wish them all the best & hope they grow up to be great. Maybe itis better , to put in place of , Occupation , Location instead. and have a text line for their parents inspiration for them.

Well , we know what got us into todays situation, the big boys at the big banks and just say , lets just say we have a banker's baby, what feelings and thoughts ,will we have when we look at them, " i hope you dont grow us to be so greedy ? huh, eh , eeer?
So let us leave the occupation aside and put the inspiration instead.
Is that not what every parents have , for their newborns ???

EXPERIENCING AND EXPRESSING GRATITUDE

Its a tough time for many now , jobs lost , temper lost , and sadly, some lost their families as well. MP torched , part of Australia is burning! Never underestimate the power of emotion. ! Where I work , we are going thru structural change too , undoubtedly that creates 'structural tension'. As a family we got together and talk about this things. Most important is that family stays united . The security that traditional jobs offers are gone long ago . Whiff , Wheww, Busted .In moments like this . I think is importantfor me to stay cool . Deep breathing is a good thing to do when I feel that stress level rises. Simple law of physics , No two things can occupy the same space at the same time. Equally true , no 2 thoughts can occupy my mind at the same time. Heck, I have a simple mind !!. Last week my job took me to Balikpapan and Samarinda, When I looked at the living condition there , my heart is filled with gratitude to GOD for all that my familes have received . May not be much but enough to lead a decent life. I hold deeply my faith in GOD and work towards abundance , AMIN
( a mosque in Samarinda, its really awesome)

My Girl , My Butterfly.............

Destiny is not a thing to be waited for , its a thing to be achieved.
BIG CONGRATS to Emira Aqila
All of us enjoyed your awesome JUARA performance . Watching her performed yesterday left me with heady feelings because she has grown so much now, from the cute chubby little girl.( I miss that dont I) into FINE young woman. My hope is that my Emira, would face the world and all its challenges with courage, confidence and integrity.No matter what happens externally to you, it really depends on you and how you want to internally perceive any situation..... same set of circumstances but 2 different beliefs. One saw hope and the other saw despair. Myself and daddy always know you will find hope in all situation that confronts you. Mummy , daddy and Amirul , We are so proud of you dear.......our fairest butterfly

MY VALENTINE...................

Looking back its been a long love journey for me.17 years and going ....... In todays world of instant gratification , instant relationship , admittedly it will be a challenge to move forward. A friend of mine told me this , Golden rule girl..... KISS Keep It Simple Sis . Eeeeer....r , what she means is , keep the nos at two , its easier to work things out like that.

Having said that , I dont think , a wonderful marriage happens instantly . I must say it takes effort , focus and commitment. . Love is Free ....Commitment is Priceless.

Well my Valentine , I really appreciate you being my valentine all these years , may our marriage be blessed to celebrate many more VALENTINES.....Continue to cherish the moment. So happy for the slideshow received dear

NOT ACTUALLY READY WITH MY THOUGHTS NOW..............
I read sometime back that we all need emptiness in our lives in order to learn and learn more and keep evolving because most of the time we are full of I , Me and Mine . Admittedly , I thought its was quite confusing, at least in the beginning, but after a while I could not agree more. .....